So, over the course of my years hear on earth I’ve experienced good friends and family members falling from the faith of their fathers. I used to hear others share stories of this and felt pretty protected from it. I had powerhouse friends, we were solid. We would occasionally do stupid things, but we weren’t going anywhere. This was how it was and this is how it would always be. I was wrong.

Between the moving I did as a kid, a missionary and a college student I would often part with good people whom I had grown to love deeply. Some I have met again and rejoiced as Alma did when he again met with the Sons of Mosiah after some time apart, “and what added more to his joy, they were still his brethren in the Lord; yea, and they had waxed strong in the knowledge of the truth; for they were men of a sound understanding and they had searched the scriptures diligently, that they might known the world of God” (Alma 17:2). Others I have spoken with in sorrow that their faith had waned when the heat of the sun beat down upon them. While not my decision in the end, I have often wondered, what could I have done more to support them through their trials?

Friend after friend has also shared with me similar stories and it’s very interesting to observe in myself what I’ve see happen in others. It’s that thing that starts to happen when we slowly let slip the values and truths that we hold dear. I once was bold and confident to say that going to church has never really been a problem for me. Then I find myself skipping here and there. I wonder if those that left did the same thing early on, when asked where I was, I made up a plausible excuse for my nonattendance.

What is it that makes us shut down with our peers and our people? Why do we retreat when we need to open up? Perhaps it was my overconfidence supported by statements of loved ones praising my faithfulness that allowed me to think I was above the possibility of personal apostasy. Was it this pride that shielded me from the dangers lurking just below the surface of the calm water. All is NOT well in Zion.

I’m not saying that I’ve left the church, because I haven’t. I am saying however, that I recognize just how easily it can happen.

Masterful and sarcastic atheist Richard Dawkins has put much of his life’s attention into repeatedly attempting to convince his fellow apes that there is no such thing as God. I typically come across his stuff in discussions with a good friend or on the web/video when I’m strong in my faith, but he’s the last person I’d like to meet in a dark ally when I’m wallowing in self-pity about my worth as a human being. He and the faithless like him seem to have little compassion for the struggles those of the faithful, likening religion to an common activity like needle point  or some other quaint hobby. Perhaps his parents were killed by believers who put him in a “Brave New World” like reeducation chamber where he was pumped full of medication and repeatedly told that the earth was flat. That would probably get under my skin as well.

But enough with my character assassination. Mr. Dawkins, I apologize, I don’t like to do that.You just represent to me a much bigger idea that’s tormented man from the beginning. I have absolutely no problems with questions, it’s in our nature to seek to know them, but when cynicism and doubt lead to closing off answers rather then letting them in, I see folly. I think on this point we can agree. It may just be in different contexts. By the way, I love science, my mind is always examining the world around me seeking to understand. So again, no hard feelings? Good, let’s do lunch. My treat.

Others who follow Dawkin’s faithless line of thinking have even compared belief in God to a praying to a luck horseshoe. Aside from the obvious differences here, I can’t help but see these arguments as mirroring the advent of Korihor in the Book of Mormon who said amongst other troubling teachings that the believers were “bound down under a foolish and a vain hope” (Alma 30:13). He calls God nothing more than a fairy tale akin to unicorns or hobgoblins. Will be interesting to see who the emperor is who is not wearing any clothes. (Check out: Countering Korihor’s Philosophy)

To start my babblings a winding down: There are times when our roots run deep and the wind comes, the storm rages on and we stand firm in the faith. There are other times when all it takes is negative thoughtless comment from a fellow saint to shake our very core. Well, let those who bend in the wind to the pressures of daily living, I offer you my faith in a God that lives and loves his children. And when things seem hard to understand, just hold on, call me if you need, the light will come for those who seek.

Firm are the decrees
of God from above

Seeing all, he knows
the necessity of love

But in his wisdom
he allows us to grow

And growth requires patience,
the ability to go slow

So down here in our passions
we worry and fret

Convinced that if God loved us
he’s step in and set

Right all the injustices
we see man do to man

Failing to recognize
God’s perfect plan

And no, it’s not to torture,
to abandon or abuse

But rather to give agency,
our choice to properly use

It’s in this way alone
that our growth can be whole

We take what’s allotted
and devote to it our soul

For you see, in the end
he who finishes ahead

Is he who finds freedom
through God as his head

“My will” delivers one thing –
chains that rightly bind

And “thy will” quite another –
Faith, the power to heal mankind

God bless my hurting friends and family.

May you recognize in your lonely times that God is speaking to us always.

And how true it is that when we draw near unto him that he draws near unto us.

We’re not all so different. I love you all!

~ Ryan